Tuesday 14th December (11 sodding sleeps ’til Christmas)

Ta-da: It’s snowing on my blog.

Ta-da: According to the nice weather lady on Breakfast, it’s going to be snowing everywhere else in England by Thursday.

Now, I may represent a minority here but I absolutely, completely and utterly love it when it snows and although there are several aesthetic reasons for this, the main one is that I’m really, really lazy.

I get to stay home.

Whatever it was that I was supposed to be gainfully employed doing, has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the gleeful delight I experience when I notice that first flake fall. Snow presents us idle sloths with a legitimate loop-hole, and let’s face it: Everyone loves a loop-hole.

The litany of excuses that adverse weather conditions present for me to take one look out of the window and then retire back to bed (via Jeremy Kyle of course) are endless.

Since the councils never, ever order enough grit or salt or whatever it is that they are supposed to be ordering, the roads are often a little bit ‘slippy’. Despite the fact that my car is fully equipped with traction control and pretty good tyres, not to mention brakes and a speedometer, which really should be all the safety gear I need to ‘get off my estate’, I stubbornly (and may I just add, deviously) refuse to ‘risk mine or my children’s lives’ by getting behind the wheel of what is now a VW Death-Trap.

The trains don’t run because none of the drivers turn up (high-five) so there is really no point going to the effort of bothering to attempt to get to the station if you’re commuting.

Employees up and down the country experience the same joyful back-of-the-net moment when they speak to Tracey on reception to tell her, in a suitably outraged and gutted tone, that the roads are impassable round here (it’s because there’s a hill out of my road) and discover that, despite the fact that the roads are quite patently, perfectly fine, that Simon from Accounts who lives quite near you, can’t get in either.

It’s a similar feeling to the one you get when you pull a sickie because you have a hangover and discover when you call work that someone else is off and that there’s a bug going round. Oh happy day.

The media just further the cause by filling up gaps in their programming schedule by reporting loudly and frequently on the chaos that has erupted. Reports from North Face wearing, scarf covered, regional correspondents showing slowly moving traffic, just increase the collective panic and provide what is commonly known as an alibi.

I don’t care if Canada, North America and Norway still manage to function despite 19 foot of snow being the norm there, they should keep their snow-tyres and their advice to themselves.

If we Brits are going to risk our necks going anywhere when it’s snowing, it’ll be to the pub thank you very much.

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5 thoughts on “Tuesday 14th December (11 sodding sleeps ’til Christmas)

  1. High five back at ya! As usual … hilariously topical. Loving that you’re writing regularly again. Agree with everything you’ve said. Providing I’m not going on holiday then bring on the snow!

  2. Chuckling while reading through your blog from the first day after seeing a link to it on facebook, and having come this far just HAVE to say that as a Norwegian, now living in the UK and having done so since 1996, the ‘I don’t care if Canada, North America and Norway still manage to function despite 19 foot of snow being the norm there, they should keep their snow-tyres and their advice to themselves.’ really made me laugh! 😀 I know I always go on about how we manage in Norway when things are at a stand still here because of snow, so your comment was spot on!!! 🙂

    Great blog, very amusing and down to earth and has replaced my book for the time being. 🙂

    Thank you! 🙂

    Lillian

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