Sunday 15th May

In an attempt to relieve the impending symptoms of the ‘Manky-Mondays’, I have decided to use todays post to perform a cheery little round-up of interesting occurrences that have been busily, well, occurring this week.  

If my opinions should ever stray from a mellow Sunday meander along the highways and byways of gentle sarcasm to something a bit more racy and extreme, please forgive me. It is only in the interests of lively debate that I would ever present one of my trademark Extreme-Off-Road-Insults.

Kicking off immediately with a topic that is just begging for Extreme-Off-Road-Insulting, we lost the Eurovision Song Contest.

Again.

 I didn’t watch it of course (insert hysterical ‘as-if’ snorting and giggling here).

Despite the fact the Saturday night TV goes a bit downhill after Doctor Who Confidential has finished, I would sooner mow my lawn in the dark than sit through Blue attempting to ‘bring it home for Britain’ by staging a come-back amongst some European goat farmers.

I must admit that I enjoy having my ‘system up with the top down’ as much as the next man but since the members of Blue are more often to be found ‘urinating in public with their pants down’, as opposed to toiling away in the recording studio, I think it we can safely say that Azerbaijan probably had the stronger team.

The best man won on the night, let’s leave it there.

Let’s also hope that Blue are finally clear that the label of ‘has-been’ would, in their case, be an unlikely, but huge, vote of collective support.

Slightly closer to home, Friend-Leaine gave birth to her third child on Friday morning, so I would just like to congratulate her on the safe arrival of Harrison.

I would also like to suggest that, as his birth weight came in at an eye-watering 10lb, 14oz, she has probably now ‘done her bit’.

My strong advice, at this point, would be to fit a strong mortice lock to her bedroom door and become the proud owner of a large, sturdy broom to deflect any further advances of the husbandly kind.

I’m now off to do something about, what Annabelle calls, my toe-make-up.

I will also, hopefully, get a chance to spend some quality time in the bath with my hero, Jack Reacher, but that, my friend, is a whole ‘nother diary entry.

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