Last night, I decided to watch an old episode of ‘Holiday Hijack’ that had been Sky-Plussed.
Set in the Maldives, the deluded, lost-the-plot, chavs that are a feature of the show, were under the impression that Channel 4 had paid for them to continue their ‘If-it’s-good-enough-for-Katie-Price-and-Peter-Andre…….’ fantasises by inviting them to stay in their self-declared, basic minimum of 5* all-inclusive luxury for a week, presumably, just because they’re so ‘pridddy.’
Obsessed, for some reason, with everything being ‘Howard-Hughes-Clean,’ they proudly explained that, to them, 5* means being able to use every single towel, hurl it onto the floor in a damp soggy mess and leave it to the ‘help’ to clean up while they crack on with snarfing their way through the ‘all-you-can-shovel-down-your-brainless-neck-boofay’.
This ‘council-house-royalty’ expect nothing less than ‘gypshun-cotton’ sheets and are prone to running their fingers over mirrors and surfaces to check for dust, bugs and other assorted bacteria.
Meanwhile, elsewhere on the Maldives, the archipelago is dejectedly sprouting new islands. The plastic bottles, coke-cans, sanitary towels and general crap being consumed by these £500 heirs to the all-inclusive dream are not being taken away by the fairies, but are being dumped ‘land-mass-esque’ into the Indian Ocean.
Anyone fancy a dream holiday to ‘Shit Island’?
It’s not Britain that’s broken.
The media dictate to us, on a daily basis and in a Lucky Number Slevin, ‘Kansas City Shuffle’ type manner, what it is that we should be thinking about, worrying about and talking about today.
We fall for it every time.
We are on the verge of drowning in a sea of used Tampax and 7 Up bottles. Our natural resources are running out and we are, for the most part, a lazy, greedy, self-involved species.
Karl Marx theorised that in order to keep the industrialised workers (in other words you and I) under control, it would be necessary to provide them with ‘bread and circuses’ as entertainment.
In other words, a Saturday night in watching the X Factor and eating a take-away.
During one of the recent Riot-Casts, I heard a young lady (who was carrying a laptop box out of Currys at the time) shrieking that the rationale behind her activities was that (and I quote) “She was getting her taxis back.”
Wanna know what the future holds for us, the progress people?
Watch Disney’s ‘WALL-E’ again.